


Phantom Limb

by Pine_Daddy



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Gen, Gotetober prompt, Mentions of Other Voltron Paladins, PTSD, Phantom pain, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Shiro (Voltron) has phantom pains, Shiro-Centric (Voltron), but he's hurting and very stressed put, he needs a break, he trying to be a strong leader, phantom limb - Freeform, tw: mentions of amputation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-19
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2019-01-19 10:04:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12408291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pine_Daddy/pseuds/Pine_Daddy
Summary: "Patients who undergo an amputation, often feel sensation of where the missing limb was, as if it's still there.The symptom is called phantom limb.It's as if the body can't accept that a terrible trauma as occurred.  The mind is trying to make the body complete again.Patients who experience phantom limb report many different sensations.But by the far the most common, is pain."





	Phantom Limb

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't beta-read
> 
> Takes place during season 1-2 and is spoiler free!
> 
> yes, that is a Grey's Anatomy reference in the summary

Shiro didn't exactly remember how he lost his arm. Whether or not it was surgically removed by the Druids or simply ripped off in one of my many battles, he cannot say. But one thing he knew for certain, was that is hurt, a lot.

He remembered on Earth he had an aunt who was in a plane crash, she was one of the only survivors and had broken her leg to the point where the bone was sticking out. She along with a few others had been stuck surviving in the remote forest for three days, and her leg had gotten infected, so by the time she came back it was nearly unfixable, and they had to remove it. The story was horrifying to him when he was younger, and he could never understand why she acted so distant from them afterwards, why she always looked so exhausted or in pain constantly. 

But now… now he understood completely, he understood her anger and frustration, her pain and sadness as the loss of her limb, and he wished she was with him now so he's had someone to talk to, someone who understood this certain level of pain, to say he finally got it now, to gain reassurance. All he needed was someone to look up to to tell him it would be ok, that'd it'd get easier to manage and eventually, he'd heal, even if it wasn't true, he just wanted some reassurance.

He was a leader now, not just a co-captain in learning about a planet's moon out in space with two other scientists, flying a simple shuttle. He was now a pilot of one of the universe's greatest symbol of freedom, and its deadliest weapon. He was now a leader in a huge galactic war, one that millions upon millions of lives were counting on to liberate them. He had a lot on his shoulders, everyone else's needs came before him, no matter what.

No matter the pain, no matter how much it hurt to even think some days, no matter how many nightmares haunted him throughout the night, the others came top priority. This was his job now, there was no time to dwell on the past, not like he really could anyway.

~:~

Allura was going over battle plans with them, talking about liberating another planet from the Galra. Everyone appeared tired and not very focused on what was being said, other than Keith and Shiro, who appeared to have most of their attention on the task at hand. Once the debriefing was over, they all departed to get prepared. 

They arrived at the planet, doing their usual shabang of course, kicking some Galra ass and freeing the good people, just all in a day's work of heroics, (these were Lance's words, not his, though that's basically what it was.)

They landed down on the planet, greeting the natives, who looked like tall, elegant llama people. They thanked them, offering a small celebration in honor of their victory, which they all accepted kindly. Allura hoping to form an alliance of sorts as it provided some free down time for the worn out Paladins.

Shiro tried to relax at the celebration, the natives were friendly enough and weren't too paranoid or easily excited thankfully, and yet the black paladin just couldn't find himself able to relax.

Maybe it was the anxiety of the possibility of the Galra returning, or maybe it was the fact that he was the leader, therefore it was practically mandatory for him to be paranoid. Or maybe it was the familiar pain in his arm, at least, what he could still feel of it.

Keith, ever the worrier, walked over to him, checking up and asking if he was alright. 

"You don't look so good," the red paladin mused, "Are you sick? Or did you get injured in the fight? Did you eat something weird-"

Shiro cut him off with a adult hand and a kind, reassuring smile, "I'm fine Keith, honest." Another ghostly pain shot up his arm as he held back a wince. "Honest."

The smaller paladin frowned, not looking fully convinced at his answer, "Are you sure? Because I'm sure that Allura and Coran won't mind if you leave for some privacy."

"No, no, there's no need for that," the taller man assured, "Really, I'll be okay. Go on, have fun! It's a celebration, socialize! Get to know your fellow Paladins."

"I'd rather stay here with you…" Keith replied, looking a bit anxious as he looked around at the crowds of the aliens, looking weirdly at his teammates as they jammed out with some natives.

"You can't hang out with me the entire night," Shiro said, looking down at the teen, "Come on, it's not too bad, stick around with a Hunk for a bit, he's a good guy, you'll get along great." The leader gave an encouraged pat on the shoulder as he nudged him forward. 

"…Okay…" Keith hesitantly agreed, walking towards the yellow paladin awkwardly, Shiro watching as the dark skinned male greeted him with a smile, inviting him over as they all hung out and chatted. 

The Japanese man smiled, satisfied to see Keith socializing with the others, it kinda reminded him of when they were younger…

Before he could start to reminisce on the previous years, the pain returned, just as strong as before, he grunted softly, gripping his arm were the flesh ended. He hissed as he drew in a breath, trying to focus on something other than the ghostly pain in his limb, or lack thereof.

"Shiro? Are you alright?" A familiar voice asked, snapping him out of his thoughts. Beside him stood Allura, she was wearing her typical dress, and she appeared to be holding one of the planet's drinks in her hand, her blue and pink eyes full of concern for her comrade.

"Oh, yes, I'm alright," Shiro responded, waving a hand nonchalantly as he crossed his arms, leaning back against the wall in what he hoped looked casual and not suspicious.

"Hmmm, are you sure? You looked like you were distressed just a few moments ago," the Altean spoke, brows furrowing together as she continued to stare at him.

"Oh, no no no, I was just… I was just thinking really." He replied, hoping he bought his lie, despite being terrible at it.

The woman raised a brow ever so slightly, not buying his awkward response. "I know we may not know each other very well, but you can always trust me if there's anything bothering you," she offered, doing her best to sound open and friendly, hoping to learn something about the paladin. 

Shiro smiled genuinely at her, "Thank you Princess, really, I appreciate it. But I'm fine."

She hummed, knowing she wouldn't get anything out of him by this point, "Very well, but, if you ever wish to talk, for any reason at all, come find me." She turned to walk away, but paused, looking back and smiling reassuringly at him, "Just know that we're here for you Shiro, all of us."

He nodded, "I know."

~:~

The pains were a daily thing, when he wasn't having nightmares, his limb kept him up. If he wasn't training or just trying to relax, his pain was there to remind him that something was still missing. So he was always doing something, trying to keep his brain from focusing on his arm, and instead on his other tasks at hand.

But it seemed no matter what he did, it could never go away, at least not fully. He tried the mirror trick like his aunt had mentioned once, and it helped, but only to so much extent. He couldn't think of any tricks to help himself, so he just resulted to suffering through it in silence.

But it wasn't uncommon for the pains to come at very inconvenient times, like a mission.

They were infiltrating a Galran base, taking data and freeing any possible prisoners and such. As they were escaping, the all too familiar pain decided to rear its ugly head, returning at a level that hurt much worse than before, one that shocked the paladin so bad he actually stopped in place. Hissing in silent pain as he clenched his fists, squeezing what was left of his flesh arm with all his might. 

The others stopped running, looking back at their leader in worry as they watched him seemingly struggle to focus again, Galra arm glowing a faint purple. 

"Shiro…?" Pidge's worried voice spoke softly, stepping forward only slightly.

"Shiro? What's wrong?" Keith asked, stepping closer to the older man.

"Keith!" The leader spoke suddenly, looking at the lithe teen with determined eyes, "I need you to stab my arm with your dagger."

"What?!" They all asked, shocked and confused as to why their leader would say such a thing.

"Why?!" Keith asked, not understanding the reason to the statement.

"Don't ask why?" He responded, "Just do it!"

The red paladin looked confused and distressed, not understanding what was going on, but if Shiro asked him to do it, then he would. The teen took out his dagger, swiftly stabbing it into the glowing metal of Shiro's arm, half expecting to hear a scream or pained gasp of sorts, but nothing came. Just the heavy breathing of his leader as he slowly started to calm down, arm losing its purple flow as it settled. 

Shiro was expecting to feel pain, but instead felt nothing as he gasped in shock, though it slowly wore off as his body and brain finally started to comprehend that fact that his limb was missing. The pain began to subside as the knife was removed, Shiro took in a few deep breaths to calm himself down, tension starting to leave his body.

He left out a final breath as he looked at the shocked and partially horrified faces of his teammates, he decided to explain later, as they still needed to escape. 

"Come on," he said in his commanding tone, snapping them out of their stupor. "Let's head back."

~:~

"Uh, Shiro?" Hunk's voice came up from beside the black lion pilot as they all safely gathered at the dining table. The teen looked disturbed and very worried for his leader's health, "You wanna explain what just happened back there?" 

"Yeah, I'd like to know why you asked Keith to stab your arm." Lance added in, brows furrowed in almost disbelief.

"Keith stabbed you in your arm?" Allura asked, looking shocked and confused, staring at the human. "Why on Altea would he do that?"

Shiro looked as everyone stared at him expectedly, looking curious as to see what his answer would be. The man took a deep breath, preparing to explain himself.

"I have what people on Earth call 'phantom limb'," he began. "It's kinda when your body is trying to regain feeling in the part it lost, in which this case would be my arm." He then gestured with said metal arm.

"Oh! My uncle knew someone with that," Lance added in, "Lost his arm in a war I think."

Shiro nodded in acknowledgement, "My aunt had a similar thing, but she lost her leg in a plane crash, but that's beside the point right now." He waved a hand to brush that part of the conversation aside. "One of the symptoms of phantom limb is well… pain." 

The Altean princess's eyes widened, "Is that why you'd look so distressed at times?"

The man nodded, "Yes, that was because my body couldn't get past the fact it underwent trauma, and is trying to become whole again…" he looked down at his Galran arm with a longing sadness in his eyes, "Even though it never truly will."

They were all quiet for a moment, none of them could ever truly understand how Shiro felt, both physically and mentally, they felt terrible that it took so long for him to tell them about this. They didn't want him to feel alone and as if he couldn't rely on them as well, they were a team, and they needed to be there for one another.

"Is there any way to somehow… relieve the pain?" Allura asked, she wanted to help her Paladins in any way she could, even if they were in small gestures.

"There are a few methods," Shiro mused, "My aunt used a mirror to create the image of her lost leg, and that helped her a little, and it works ok for me."

"My uncle's friend stabbed a screw driver into his arm once," Lance added in again, "I thought it was weird at first, but that's why you asked Keith to stab you isn't it?"

"Yes, it is." Shiro turned back to Keith, "Sorry for doing that to you so suddenly."

"It's ok," he replied, offering a small smile. "I'd do it again, that is, if you need me to."

"That goes for all of us," Allura spoke up, "If you ever need help with anything, or even just someone to talk to, we're all here for you Shiro, we're a team."

"Yeah man!" Hunk grinned up at the man, "Just… maybe don't ask us to stab your arm."

Shiro chuckled, "Don't worry, I'll leave the stabbing to Keith."

From then on, the team was more alert and observant of their leader, checking up on him to see how he doing and allowing him some more time to relax. The others started trying to get to know him better, more as a person instead of a leader or idol. They treated him like a human being.

And for the first time since he escaped from the Galran prison, Shiro felt truly accepted, as both a person, and a friend.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not the proudest of the ending, but I was kinda rushing to finish this since today's prompt is amputation, and I've had this idea for a while.
> 
> This turned out to be more of a weird character analysis writing snippet than a prompt focused on the actual thing I was inspired by.
> 
> I apologize for getting anything wrong, as I've never lost a limb myself or known anyone who's lost theirs.


End file.
